Kelly Jokes: 2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Funny Dance Jokes

Dance Joke 1 Q. What do you have when only one line dancer comes to your party? A. A One Liner!
Dance Joke 2 Q. What do you call two line dancers doing the dance Shoot the Rooster? A. A Pair of Shoot (parachute)
Dance Joke 3 Q. What do [...]

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Funny Dead And Dying Jokes

Dead And Dying Joke 1 A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read Fred Brown [...]

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Don’t Listen to Him

A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, "Dad, why don't you [...]

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Dumb Blonde Undergraduate Joke

One day, a very attractive dumb blonde undergraduate visited the professor’s office. The blonde under graduate pulled the chair closer to the professor, smiled at him shyly, bumped his knee “accidentally”, etc.
Finally, the dumb blonde said, “Professor, I really need to pass your course. It is extremely important to me. It is so important that [...]

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What God looks like Joke

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, “Im drawing God.”
The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing [...]

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A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon Sports Joke

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.
“I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I’ll have a basketball team!” said the Catholic.
“That’s nothing!” said the Baptist. “I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more [...]

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Funny Dentist Jokes

Dentist Joke 1 A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, [...]

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Nunchuck Fail

Check out this video and more

He just though it had it going on
Ranked 3.32 / 5 | 1137 views | 1 comments

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Submitted By: MainStreamVideos

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Nunchaku�Fail�FAIL�Viral�Viral Video�Popular�Nun�Chuck�

Categories: Comedy

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Drift and Cops Brazen Russian !!!!!!!!

drifting
Ranked 3.56 / 5 | 488 views | 0 comments

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Submitted By: Bakshey333

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Drift�Drifting�Drifts�Cops�Cars�Russian Drift�

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Funny and Cute Cats

Collection of funny and cute cat pix. More funny pictures
Ranked 3.60 / 5 | 1978 views | 0 comments

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Submitted By: uberpix

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Cats�Animals�Funny�Cute�

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Two Kittehs and a Paper Bag

Two kittehs battle. The prize? The chance to be inside a paper bag. Only one will walk away victorious.
Ranked 3.65 / 5 | 1221 views | 0 comments

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Submitted By: ICanHasCheezburger

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Two�Kittehs�And�A�Paper�Bag�Cheezburger�LOLcats�Funny.�Kitty�Cats�Kittens�Battles�

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J Aime Pas Le Calcul!

nsn
Ranked 3.71 / 5 | 956 views | 0 comments

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Submitted By: snabilw

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Nsn�W�

Categories: Comedy

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What do you call a man with half a brain?

What do you call a man with half a brain?

Gifted.

Source: http://jokes4all.net

How is an apple like a lawyer?

How is an apple like a lawyer?

They both look good hanging from a tree.

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A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a ...

A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast.

The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me."

So the woman replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."

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What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?

The man.

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette went into a farm to steal chickens. The ...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette went into a farm to steal chickens. The police were nearby and they heard them and came in. The girls quickly jumped into three potato sacks so they wouldn't be seen.

One policeman kicked the sack with the redhead, and she said "meow" pretending to be a cat.

He kicked the second one with the brunette, and she said "ruff", pretending to be a dog.

When he kicked the third sack with the blonde, she said "potatoes".

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Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, "My mother-in-law is an angel. ...

Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, "My mother-in-law is an angel."

His friend replies, "You're lucky. Mine is still alive."

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Teacher: "If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many ...

Teacher: "If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?"

Little Johnny: "Nine."

Teacher: "That's not right, you'd have eight."

Little Johnny: "No, Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!"

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What's cannibalism?

What's cannibalism?

Men eating pork.

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Yo momma is so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone.

Yo momma is so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone.

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A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really ...

A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: "Hey, where am I?". The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane.". The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it. "Elementary," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees."

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Funny Bird Jokes

Bird Joke 1 A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot “Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to [...]

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Funny College Jokes

College Joke 1 An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. “Tell me,” inquired the interviewer, “where do you expect to be ten years from now?” “Well, let’s see,” replied the student. “It’s Wednesday afternoon. I guess I ll be on the golf course by now.”
College Joke 2 [...]

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Funny Judge Jokes

Judge Joke 1 The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. “I never said a word” the third defendant replied.
Judge Joke 2 [...]

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The Aging Explorer

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, “Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful [...]

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Yo Momma So Fat Jokes

Yo Momma so Fat Joke 01
Yo momma so fat after a night of next i rolled over and burnt my ass on the light bulb.
Yo Momma so Fat Joke 02
Yo momma so fat and dumb she brought a spoon to da superbowl
Yo Momma so Fat Joke 03
Yo momma so fat and stupid, her [...]

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Welshman, Englishman and Irishman Farm Fugitives Joke

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and all ran inside.
Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall.
The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he [...]

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A three year-old toddler bought a £9,000 car: funny news article.

exerpt from www.vnunet.com
A three year-old boy has bought a £9,000 car on eBay using his mother’s account.
Rachel and John Neal first realised something was wrong when they received an email from the seller congratulating them on their new purchase.
“We couldn’t understand what was happening as neither of us had bought anything,” Rachel told The [...]

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You Might Be A Redneck Prom Joke

You might be a redneck if your senior prom had daycare.

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Funny Cowboy Jokes

Cowboy Joke 1 The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get [...]

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Trampoline Ski Jump Fail

/Trampoline Ski Jump Fail Distributed by Tubemogul.
Ranked 3.69 / 5 | 913 views | 0 comments

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Hit the Ball to the Net ??!!

hit the ball to the net ??!!
Ranked 3.71 / 5 | 1393 views | 0 comments

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Submitted By: tunduhayapegelya

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Fun�Music�Art�Sports�Jokes�Science�Earth�

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Drogba Make Goal for Chelsea

drogba make goal for chelsea
Ranked 3.73 / 5 | 9728 views | 0 comments

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Escape from Earthquake

escape from earthquake
Ranked 3.73 / 5 | 950 views | 0 comments

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Submitted By: jacks_parrow

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Race Across Football Field Ends In Fail Video

Across Football Field Ends In Fail Video Distributed by Tubemogul.
Ranked 3.74 / 5 | 989 views | 0 comments

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Submitted By: mediahangout

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Mediahangout�Racing�Across�Football�Field�Ends�In�Fail Video�

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BMX Fence Jump Face Bash

His head bounces pretty good
Ranked 3.75 / 5 | 5241 views | 0 comments

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Submitted By: undertakerkane

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Fail�Accidents�Shocking�Videos�Ever�

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Cat Woman Catching the Ball

cat woman catching the ball
Ranked 4.16 / 5 | 17312 views | 0 comments

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Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what ...

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"

Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."

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Teacher: "I told you to stand at the end of the line?

Teacher: "I told you to stand at the end of the line?"

Little Johnny: "I tried, but there was someone already there!"

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A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. ...

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the Devil," she responded.

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."

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Yo momma is so fat, she has her own area code.

Yo momma is so fat, she has her own area code.

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Dr. Phil was conducting a therapy session with four young mothers and their ...

Dr. Phil was conducting a therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions" he observed.

To the first mother he said: "You are so obsessed with eating you've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom: "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third mom: "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers: "Come on Dick, we're leaving."

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A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he ...

A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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An old lady is being examined by a doctor who asks her: "Have you ever been ...

An old lady is being examined by a doctor who asks her: "Have you ever been bedridden?"

The old lady smiles and says: "I certainly have and I've been table ended and back skuttled a few times too!"

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Yo momma is so stupid. She tried to put M&M's in alphebetical order.

Yo momma is so stupid. She tried to put M&M's in alphebetical order.

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Two friends, who had lost contact for many years, were catching up with each ...

Two friends, who had lost contact for many years, were catching up with each other. One asked, "So, you've got your own company, huh? How lucky!" The other replied, "Just a small one, nothing to be proud of."

Disbelieving, the first queried, "Small? How many people work in your company?"

The other sadly answered, "About half of them."

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Father and son in supermarket. ...

Father and son in supermarket.

"Dad, what are these?"

"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."

"What about the 6pack dad?"

"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."

"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"

"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."

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Monday, June 14, 2010

Funny Business Jokes

Business Joke 1 These two construction workers always noticed that their boss always left early on Fridays. So one asked the other that if the boss left early next Friday if he would want to also. The other man agreed. Sure enough, when Friday came, the boss left early. Therefore, the two men left [...]

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Funny Car And Train Jokes

Car And Train Joke 1 A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell’s Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, [...]

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A Virgin Hick

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, “Be gentle, I'm a virgin.”
The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He [...]

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What is Black Joke NOT RACIST

Shopping for a black cotton sweater, I couldn’t find anything suitable in a trendy Berkeley clothing store. A helpful saleswoman offered to check the store catalogue for a suitable black sweater.
After flipping through the pages, she looked up in consternation. “Mark,” she called to her co-worker, “what are we calling black this year?”
Please [...]

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Blonde in a Boat Joke

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.
The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that [...]

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Clairvoyant Midget Prison Joke

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.

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Religious Joke: The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

A Amish boy and his pa were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again, like by magic.
The lad asked, “What is this, pa?”
The father (having never seen an lift) responded, “I have no idea.”
While the [...]

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